I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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