I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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