It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
