Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
