Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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