So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
