i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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