i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
