I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
