I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
