I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
