Sry I called you an 8
at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
ugly people sure do ruin things
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
