You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
