Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
