I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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