I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
