remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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