Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize