i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
