I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
