Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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