There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
