And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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