Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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