You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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