stop calling my apartment porn island.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
