I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
