If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
