Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president