i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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