i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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