then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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