You really coming over, don't trick.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
