Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
