Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
