His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
