The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
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If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
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I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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