3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
