the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
