mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
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I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
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I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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