we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
