so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
