Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
