i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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