R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
