Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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