Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
