life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
