Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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