Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
