Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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