my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
