Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
