Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
