i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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