Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
So squirting runs in the family.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
