I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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