No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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