i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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