OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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