yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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