you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
