She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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