I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
