are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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