is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
