So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
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You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
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Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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