Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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