Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
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