kristin has been a bad kristin
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
