also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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