she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
