what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
