Define "chronic" masturbator.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
