When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We are two peas in an std pod
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
